The Crippled Gigolo

Written by:

JD England

Cast Size:
14

Roles For:

  • Indigenous Peoples: 2
  • Men: 8
  • People with Disabilities: 1
  • Women: 6

Genre:

Comedy

Themes:

Community
Love

Length:

95 min.

Year Written:

2019

Synopsis:

Logline: An unlikely posse of Victorian-era settlers must trap a mysterious murdering imposter before the criminal runs off with a secret fortune and an unwilling bride.

Synopsis

It’s the late 1800’s in northwestern Canada and Randy Lubrique, a young surveyor with a physical impairment in his legs, arrives in Grande Towne to deliver a letter from his recently deceased mentor, Hardy Longshot.

Told his father died before he was born, the receiver of the letter, the young Dr. Grover Barker, refuses to believe that it is from his father as Randy claims, and the two set out to discover the truth.

Corporal Ichabod Plotter, who claims to be Grover’s uncle, arrives in town with an unwilling financé, Alba Catalana.

Grover and Alba fall in love, so Randy and the barmaid, Dawn O’Hills, make plans to expose the imposter and they also make love in the stock room.

Meanwhile, the Corporal loses his money to the town ladies in a game of cards.

In the final moments before the cliff hanging intermission, the alive-and-well Hardy reunites with his long lost love: Grover’s mother, Wapan Beavertail.

The Corporal literally shoots himself in the foot which causes his boot to be removed, the subsequent discovery of a waiver hidden inside it, and the confirmation that he is not Grover’s uncle but really the son of Hardy’s grandmother’s maid.

Now aware of the Corporal’s plans to trick Grover to sign his inheritance away, they stage a funeral for Hardy which the Corporal attends as his brother.

Hardy jumps out of the coffin and the Corporal confesses to all the crimes so far suspected of, as well as the murder of Hardy’s grandmother, mother, and his own mother.

With the Northwest Mounted Police on the way to detain him, the couples pledge love to one another and bid adieu to the audience with a clever sonnet.

Characters:

The young surveyor Randall Lubrique, a.k.a., “The Crippled Gigolo” has travelled across the country to deliver a sealed letter from his recently deceased mentor to the man’s surviving son in Grande Towne. Love, lust, avarice, and community spirit motivate and move a healthy cast of fourteen through adventurous exploits from beginning to end of the story.

The Cast of Characters and Breakdown
in order of appearance

Bea —
Seen only very briefly at the onset, Bea is described by the title character as his mother’s ‘Upper Canadian cousin.’

Mère Lubrique
We never meet Randy’s mother, but third-person descriptions of her faintly sketch a domineering figure.

Mr. Randall Lubrique
Born with a disability that affects his lower half, Randy is nevertheless, … well, randy. A surveyor, he arrives in Grande Towne with a twofold aim: to deliver a letter to young Dr. Barker, and to ‘peck the ladies with his sticker.’

Dr. Grover Barker
Product of the love between a Cree woman and a ruggedly wandering contract surveyor, baby Grover grew up fatherless. When his father was killed in a house fire out east before his birth, Grover’s uncle pledged to fund his education.

Mrs. Ruth Lester
Community motivated, Mrs. Lester is indeed ruthless in the fleecing of navel-gazing politicians, stockbrokers, and other such white-collar criminals. She is the leader of her penny-pocketing posse called The Club.

Mrs. Fayre Fallstough
Mrs. Fallstough is the staunch and serious Second to Mrs. Lester. “Pray,” she says dryly. “How can a person afford to grow up when free speech can cost you your job?’”

Mrs. Pretty Dents
An instrument to prompt another character, close a scene, etc., Mrs. Dents is an ingenue who drops pearls like, “The only kind words you will find about a person in the newspaper are in the Obituaries!”

Ms. Dawn O’Hills
The Barmaid at the Towne Inn & Tavern, Dawn sees all, hears all, and knows a lot. The coincidental confidant of Corporal Ichabod Plotter, it is this character who pulls at the stray ends that unravel the story’s mysteries and intrigue.

Corporal Ichabod Plotter
A mercenary, Cpl. Plotter has landed in Grande Towne to give his nephew “some direction,” and his soon-to-be bride, “a destination.” Too bad the two fall in love with each other!

Mr. Art Lester
Described as his wife’s sidekick, and it wouldn’t bother him. His group of husbands leverage the preconceived notions of strangers to the benefit of their wives.

Mr. Frank Fallstough
Mr. Fallstough, like the other married gentlemen, is the inkblot, twin-image of his wife.

Mr. Oliver Dents
Even ‘dentser’ than his wife, an actor can make a little slapstick go a long way with this character.

Ms. Alba Catalana
Alba was dragged from the Mediterranean coast and halfway around the world by a collection of the most despicable and brutish of the globe’s men. “She,” as Grover explains. “Outsmarted and outlasted every one of them with no more than a finger tip’s worth of her brain and brawn.”

Ms. Wapan Beavertail
Grover’s mother. Throughout a quarter of a century, a flame has burned in Wapan’s heart for her true – but long-deceased – love, Hardy Longshot.

Mr. Hardy Longshot
… but he’s alive! We find this out – but nothing more – in the final seconds of Act III, just before Intermission; What a cliffhanger!

Mr. M.E. Thuglick, a solicitor
Although we hear of him from the beginning of the play, we don’t get to know him until Act IV. From there on in, he is akin to the string on a kite; Not the main focus, but instrumental in bringing the prized possession home.

Resources:

To access the script, you can reach out to Deborah Kurtz, abtalentmgt@gmail.com Tel 403-667-7355 Toll Free 1-866-667-7355.